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Newsletter Index 1. The Bulgarian Mustard Mystery 3. Department of Lemons and Lemonade 5. Food Law Update: An Award and Thoughts on GMO’s. 6. Enduring Another Year of Suffering 7. New Fiction From the Curator: The Redemption of Bleephus McCardle 9. Department of Very Good News 10. This Month’s Recipe: Mustard-Marinated Catfish
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1. The Bulgarian Mustard Mystery
International intrigue has come to the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum and U.S. relations with Bulgaria are at stake. We recently received a jar of Bulgarian “Hors-radish” Mustard made by Bulgarex. Ltd. It is in a yellow squeeze bottle and appears to be like hundreds of other mustards that have found their way to the Mustard Museum.
On closer inspection, the “mustard” may be a ploy by the Bulgarian government to send condiments of mass distortion to our shores. The side panel of the label reveals a smiling tomato (with that all-too-common smirk of evil) and then the ingredients are listed: “tomato paste, spices, sugar, salt, vinegar, E202 preservative, modified starch, chilly [sic] peppers.” There is no mention of mustard seed or flour.
Is this mustard? We think not. We suspect it is yet another attempt by the villainous Ketchup Kartel to subvert our way of life by masquerading its foul and putrid product as an innocent and wholesome jar of mustard.
Because of the Mustard Museum’s strict policy of “Don’t Open, Don’t Tell,” under which jars of mustard in the collection are never opened, we cannot be sure of the real contents. The Mustard Museum Supreme Council will meet next week to decide on whether to create an exception to this policy for purposes of product verification. We welcome your input into this delicate situation.
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In our last newsletter we told you that the Los Angeles Times was about to run an article about the Mustard Museum. We were premature in that report but have been told by the LA Times writer doing the story that it will run soon. Patience, dear readers. Patience.
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3. Department of Lemons and Lemonade.
As many of you already know, the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum tried to raise money last year through a “public offering” of stock. Unfortunately, the public offering flopped. We won’t mince words: it was a complete failure. Was it the economy or just a bad idea? Who knows? But it left us with some hefty legal bills.
What do we have to show for it (besides a valuable lesson)? Some bills AND a bunch of very handsome stock certificates, signed by the Curator and the President. You can support the Mustard Museum by buying one of these numbered stock certificates for only $10.00 (plus postage). "Click Here" to buy one (go ahead, buy a bunch!).
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Remember the good old days when your student ID got you into the college library and all those great campus events? Those days are back! If you are a mustard lover (and you are!), here is your chance to get your own student ID from America’s mustard college, POUPON U.
Send us a photo (by regular mail or email) and we will send you a handsome wallet-size laminated photo ID from good ol’ POUPON U. On the backside of the ID are the words to the famous POUPON U Fight Song. The cost is only $10.
We anticipate that some curmudgeons out there will accuse us of selling phony ID cards. Get a life. With the POUPON U logo clearly emblazoned on the front, only an idiot will fail to appreciate the good humor in this. But it is good for FREE admission to all POUPON U campus events.
"Click Here" to buy a Poupon U Student ID.
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5. Food Law Update: An Award and thoughts on GMO’s.
The Curator’s book on food and the law, Habeas Codfish, has been selected for Outstanding Achievement Recognition by the Wisconsin Library Association.
You’ve probably been reading a lot about GMO’s – genentically modified organisms – in the press. GMO refers to food containing substances that have been “genetically altered.” Defining a GMO is not a simple task but certainly a tomato that has been developed from the genetic material of a flounder would qualify.
Why would anyone want to create GMO foods? Simple. They are developed to be resistant to bugs and harmful weeds, diminishing the need for pesticides and herbicides.
Are GMO foods safe? That depends whom you ask. The official position of the Bush administration is that they are perfectly safe. But the more significant issue is whether consumers have a right to know whether foods they are eating are made from GMO ingredients, i.e., whether food labels should disclose the presence of GMO’s. The position of the administration seems to be that GMO labeling would only needlessly confuse and scare consumers because GMO foods are safe.
The Curator disagrees. GMO foods are too new to be considered absolutely and positively safe beyond any doubt. Moreover, shouldn’t consumers have the right to know if they are buying a food product made with GMO components? Some consumers may choose not to buy GMO foods for philosophical or religious reasons, apart from safety considerations. As for the safety aspect, the food industry needs to meet the challenge of educating (convincing?) consumers that what they offer is safe. The marketplace of ideas and debate can do a good job in this area.
That’s the Curator’s view and he welcomes your comments. (Contrary to popular belief, the Curator is not the result of grafting the genetic material of a dodo with that of an artichoke.)
"Click Here" to buy a copy of Habeas Codfish. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
6. Enduring Another Year of Baseball Suffering
You all know the story of how the Mustard Museum started: Barry Levenson began collecting mustards the morning after his beloved Red Sox lost the 1986 World Series. He left the practice of law and opened the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum in 1992.
Levenson has vowed to stay with the Mustard Museum until the Red Sox win a World Series (an event that has not happened since 1918). When the Red Sox had the best record in baseball back in May, it looked as if this would be the year. Alas, the Sox performed their typical summer swoon and are now on the verge of mathematical elimination. The Mustard Museum is secure for at least another year.
A writer asked the Curator what would happen to the Mustard Museum if he were hit by a falling meteor. The Curator responded, “How about asking me what will happen to the Mustard Museum if the Red Sox win the World Series?” “Na,” said the reporter, “I’m not concerned with the impossible.”
Next summer the Mustard Museum will feature a new exhibit, a tribute to long-suffering Red Sox fans. Red Sox fans, Cub fans, Brewer fans, White Sox fans, and all who have been loyal to their beloved losers will appreciate our efforts.
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7. Fiction – A New Short Story by the Curator
The Redemption of Bleephus McCardle
Bleephus McCardle could not understand why people made fun of him.
Bleephus wondered: What’s wrong with wearing socks that don’t match?
His girlfriend was not so forgiving. You are such a nerd, Bleephus! No one wears a red sock on his left foot and a yellow sock on his right. No one!
Correction, my dear Carvella, I do. And I am proud of my attire. Would you prefer that I wear the red sock on the right foot and –
Don’t be sassy, Bleephus.
(Bleephus was often sassy.)
Besides, Carvella, who made these rules? Who decided that socks must match? Did this come down with Moses from Mount Horeb (oh yes, that is another name for Sinai)?
Yes, it did, Bleephus. Thou shalt not mix the colors of thy socks.
(Now who is being so sassy?)
Bleephus exuded a major Harruumph and they walked silently to the circus where Carvella said she was hungry. (I’m hungry, Bleephus, please feed me.)
Bleephus escorted the lovely Carvella to the hot dog stand because Carvella was longing for a plump and juicy hot dog. Carvella issued her order in her usual bold and raspy notes:
One giant hot dog, Mr. Hot Dog Vendor, grilled to perfection, served in a toasted bun with mustard and ketchup.
Mustard and ketchup? YELLOW MUSTARD AND RED KETCHUP???
Bleephus shook his head. The angels wept. The entire circus stopped to sneer at Carvella. It is only a wonder of mercy that a bolt of lightning did not pierce her breast.
Carvella learned then and there that decent people do not mix mustard with ketchup. They do not even mix ketchup with ketchup. They do not put ketchup on hot dogs at all. Period.
But what about the red sock and the yellow sock of Bleephus? Could he not see the message in the attempted blend of ketchup and mustard?
A moment of realization was about to descend upon Bleephus when the Master of the Circus spotted Bleephus and his unmatched socks.
You, good man, you with the red sock and the yellow sock upon your two different feet! You are the clown that has been foretold to us. Come join our circus and the world will be yours.
And that is why it is okay for clowns to wear one red sock and one yellow sock but it is not okay for mere mortals to put ketchup and mustard on a hot dog.
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The Curator will be speaking to a bunch of would-be career changers at the Pyle Center on the University of Wisconsin campus on Saturday, September 28. For more info about this “Navigating Career Transition” workshop, contact Sarah Schutt at the Wisconsin Alumni Association at 1-888-947-2586 or via email at [email protected]. The Curator promises to be reasonably coherent.
The Curator will also be presenting a mustard tasting to the National Conference of Bankruptcy Judges in Chicago on October 2. If you are a federal bankruptcy judge (and who isn’t?), be sure to attend.
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9. Department of Very Good News
The tornado that destroyed much of Ladysmith, Wisconsin, a few weeks ago came perilously close to the home of Royal Bohemian XXX Hot Horseradish Mustard (undoubtedly the strongest horseradish mustard we have ever tasted) but spared the Pavlik family home and factory. With no fatalities and no damage to the home of Royal Bohemian, we consider that very good news.
And while we are on the subject of very good news, the official count of the Mustard Museum collection has just made it past the 3,900 mark. Yes, the world’s largest collection of mustards now numbers 3,902.
"Click Here" to buy a copy of XXX Brown Horseradish Mustard. "Click Here" to buy a copy of XXX Yellow Horseradish Mustard. "Click Here" to buy a copy of XXX Cream Style Horseradish.
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Here is Madison Chef Eric Rupert’s recipe for Mustard-Marinated Catfish, prepared for the Food Network’s show “Summertime Unwrapped” which featured the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum.
Mustard-Marinated Catfish
2 pounds Catfish fillets 12 oz Yellow mustard 1 Egg 2 cups Bread crumbs ½ cup Flour ½ cup Corn meal 1 tsp. Garlic powder 1 tsp. Onion powder 1 tsp. Kosher salt 1 tsp. Black pepper Canola or peanut oil
THE DAY BEFORE: Combine the mustard with egg and add the catfish to the mustard-egg mixture. Cover and marinate overnight.
The next day, place enough oil in an 8 qt. saucepan or dutch oven (or fryer) to hold the catfish fillets in two batches (up to 8 cups of oil). Heat the oil to 360 degrees. Mix the dry ingredients and spices together. Roll the catfish fillets in the dry mix. Shake off the excess and fry about five minutes until golden brown. Drain and serve hot. Serves 6.
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Copyright © 1999-2002 The Mount Horeb Mustard Museum. All rights reserved. | Mount Horeb Mustard Museum P.O. Box 468 100 West Main Street Mount Horeb, WI 53572 |
