The Proper Mustard - - - 'Yellow Journalism at its Best!'
The Official Newsletter of the Mount Horeb Mustard Museum ~~~~ November, 2007
Editor-in-chief: Barry Levenson  [email protected]
[View Encoding is Unicode (UTF-8)]

Feel free to print this out and share it with your friends.

MUSTARD ON A PICKLE: THE BOOK IS HERE!

No one will confuse the Mustard Museum for a government agency. We thought we would have the Curator’s new children’s book, "Mustard On A Pickle," ready for sale in early December but it’s already here, a full month ahead of schedule.

It is available online - BK47, at the Mustard Museum, and at the several Madison area Borders and University Bookstores. If your local bookstore wants to stock "Mustard On A Pickle," have them contact us.

The Curator will perform a spirited and schmaltzy public reading of the book and engage in other tawdry mustardy feats at the Kenosha Public Library (Southwest Branch, 7979 38th Ave.) on Tuesday evening, November 13, at 7:00 p.m. Questions? Contact Linda Marcussen at the library (262-564-6137).

CHAPTER ELEVEN FOR THE CURATOR???

In our last newsletter, we told you about the rumor that the Mustard Museum Curator was contemplating Chapter Eleven and it is true. Not "Chapter 11" but "Chapter Eleven."

"Chapter Eleven Press" is the name of the publishing house that the Curator has formed to publish "Mustard On A Pickle."Better to BE Chapter Eleven than IN it.

DEALS AND STEALS FOR YOUR NEXT MEAL

LET THE CURATOR SURPRISE YOU!
Last year we introduced “The Curator’s Surprise,” a selection of mustards and other goodies worth at least $60 for only $39.95. Halfway through the year we offered a super-duper version – let the Curator go wild for just an additional $10.00. We have them both in our catalog and online this year, MX38 and MX38A.

Here’s what David L. wrote about a week ago after buying MX38A, the Curator’s Mega-Surprise for $49.95:

I got the package a couple of days ago, but didn't get a chance to open it until this
morning. As you noted, it's well worth the money--but even better, you selected a
wonderful mix of "stuff" for me. I've tasted some of the mustards, wanted to taste
others, and am now looking forward to checking out the ones I've never heard of before.
They all are interesting, and suit me to a "T." Thanks”

Here’s a hint about ordering your Curator’s Surprise, whether it be the $39.95 or the $49.95 version: after ordering, send the Curator an email indicating any special likes or dislikes you have. He picks theses individually and pays close attention to your individual preferences. Email him at [email protected]. He wants to not only surprise you – he wants to dazzle you.

PHONE-IN SPECIALS
We still don’t understand why so many businesses offer deals only to customers who order online. Maybe they don’t like to hear from their “customers.” But you’re not our “customers.” You are our friends, our fans, and our fellow mustard fanatics so we LOVE to talk to you. You can get these specials prices only by calling (1-800-438-6878) and telling your confidential condiment counselor that you want the “PHONE-IN SPECIAL” that you saw in the newsletter:

MX46 – New Kids on the Block Gift Box. New and sensational stuff from the MHMM. Reg. $49.95, PHONE-IN SPECIAL: $43.95.

MX60 – The Pommery Collection. Three great Pommery mustards (classic grained, green peppercorn, and Cognac) from France. Reg. $59.95. PHONE-IN SPECIAL: $53.95.

MHM900 – Our Condiment Phrenology T-Shirt (showing the difference between a brain on ketchup and a brain on mustard). Reg. $15.00. PHONE-IN SPECIAL: $12.00.

PPN550 – Our POUPON U Hooded Sweatshirts. Reg. $36.00. PHONE-IN SPECIAL: $30.00.

FREE SET UP AND DESIGN FOR ANY NEW PERSONALIZED MUSTARD ORDER. Reg. $15.00, but the PHONE-IN SPECIAL PRICE is FREE.

THESE PHONE-IN SPECIAL PRICES ARE VALID THROUGH THE END OF NOVEMBER 2007. CONDIMENT COUNSELORS STANDING BY 10 to 5, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK.

See More Specials & Sale Items Here

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

VOX POPULI

“I now consider the Mustard Museum both a national treasure and a holy shrine…” – S.R. (Fredonia, WI)

“Keep up the good work. The world needs more whimsy, now more than ever.” – S.W. (Sebring, FL)

“Barry, when are you going to get a real job???” – MOM (Largo, FL)

“Hasta la poupon!” – Nick. H.

“My dad and I had a great time at the mustard museum. I appreciate the POUPON U diploma you gave me. On Sunday morning we followed your advice and had toast with mustard. Boy, was that good!” – Jordan T.

MUSTARD & KETCHUP AWARDS

The first newsletter of the month means it’s time to honor the good and shame the rest.

Our GOLDEN MUSTARD AWARD goes to RIPON PRINTERS of Ripon, Wisconsin, for miraculously getting “Mustard On A Pickle” on press so quickly. We’re proud to have selected a family-owned printing company close to home. Local business are good for everybody.

We present our November YUCKY KETCHUP AWARD to Australian Tony Elwood who, along with his wife Julie, were on the first flight of the new giant luxury Airbus from Singapore to Sydney. The Elwoods paid $50,000 for their first-class suite which included a double bed, Dom Perignon champagne, and marinated lobster. Said Mr. Elwood after the trip, “It is going to make everything else after this simply awful.” Oh dear, simply awful. As the rest of us grovel for pretzels and three inches of legroom on our humble flights, we say, “No mustard for you, Elwood!”

MUSUEM UPDATE: WE MISSED KANKAKEE BUT YOU DIDN’T.

Thanks to all you geography wiz kids for telling us about other “KKK” cities. (If you’re wondering about this, we featured an antique KKK Mustard tin from Keokuk, IA, in the last newsletter).

Topping the list is Kankakee, Illinois, mentioned in the Steve Goodman song, “City of New Orleans.”But not to be forgotten are:

Kalkaska, Michigan
Kaunakakai, Hawaii
Kealakekua, Hawaii
Kaktovik, Alaska

Here are three of the Museum’s latest acquisitions, showing that we spend the profits on things that matter.

MUSTARD BITS FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE JAR

BLASTS FROM THE PAST

We unearthed a Mustard Museum newsletter from September of 1991. We reported on several Mount Horeb events that year, including these:

PHILLIPS HEAD JAMBOREE (October 20)– Locals celebrate the invention of one of the great tools of the modern era by tightening the screws at the village pillory.

SVEN-FEST ’91 (November 16) – All voting-aged males named Sven gather at Grundahl Park to exchange shoes, socks, and neckties. As a result of this annual exchange, the town constable expects that at least fifteen women will report a strange man in their house; none will press charges.

MIDWEST LINOLEUM EXPO (December 25) – Floor covering aficionados gather every year on this date but are still trying to figure out why attendance is so spotty. This year they will blame it on the rise of wall-to-wall carpeting.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Until next time - Eat your mustard (and don’t get flustered)!