STUFF TO
BUY!
From the campus of
America's mustard
college, we proudly bring
you the POUPON U
collection of clothing and
accessories.
Poupon U Pennant
Show your condiment colors by
displaying this handsome felt
banner. (9"x 14")
PPN22 $3.25
POUPON U Diploma
Let us custom imprint your name
on this handsome Doctor of
Mustard diploma. The padded
diploma cover (gold engraved
with "Poupon U") is made by
the same company that makes
them for the University of
Wisconsin; the only difference
is we're fussy about who we
give ours out to.
PPN44 $22.00
Diploma (no cover) PPN45
$6.00
(Be sure to give us the exact name as
you want to appear on the diploma )
POUPON U Cothing
In order to comply with the
dress code at POUPON U, you
will have to wear these
fashionable t-shirts, sweatshirts,
and caps. Even if you are not on
campus, you will want to dress
up in these stylish little numbers
POUPON U T-Shirt (Specify
size: S,M,L,XL,XXL) PPN55
$12.00
POUPON U Sweathshirt
(Specify size: S,M,L,XL,XXL)
PPN66 $30.00
POUPON U Cap (adjustable -
one size fits most) PPN77 $6.25
From the POUPON U School of
Law, where students learn about
the writ of habeas codfish,
comes our Eighth Amendment
Mug ("cruel and unusual
condiments").
MUGO1 $5.00
The Mustard Watch
You'll never be late for class
when you wear this handsome
Mustard Watch ("lt's Mustard
Time"), It's the official
chronometer of the Mount
Horeb Mustard Museum and the
POUPON U Dept. of
Condimentology
Men's Mustard Watch MWO1
$34.00
Women's Mustard Watch
MW01 $34.00
| STUFF TO READ (and sing...)
Two-four-six-eight
Let's all go matriculate!
If your idea of an institution of higher learning is a place
where you learn more and more about less and less, then
POUPON U, America's Mustard College is your school.
Lest you think of POUPON U as just another diploma
mill, think again. We may be a diploma mill but in the true
mustard tradition we are a stoneground (diploma) mill.
Located in scenic Mount Horeb, the campus of POUPON
U features a wide range of architectural features,
including many buildings with indoor plumbing and
electricity.
The challenging curriculum at POUPON U prepares
students for a wide range of occupational endeavors, from
hot dog vendors all the way up to professional pretzel
twisters.
The dedicated faculty members at POUPON U have come
to Mount Horeb for a sound and simple reason: they love
to teach? Not quite; they can't get work at a real
university.
Tuition is exorbitant and there are no scholarship funds.
But we have a terrific fight song (below), funky
accessories (<----), and diplomas that look like the real
thing. Accredited? Don't ask!
(with apologies to Bucky B.)
On our hot dogs, on our bratwursts,
Mustard is so cool!
Never mayo, never ketchup,
They're against the rules!
Gleaming gold and mellow yellow,
Smooth, rough, sweet and hot.
Fight, POUPON U, we'll fight
And eat some lunch!
HOMECOMING AT POUPON U
Mustard alumni will gather first weekend in November
Make plans now to attend POUPON U's first annual
Homecoming Weekend, Saturday and Sunday, November
3 and 4 (1996). If you have a diploma from POUPON U in
either 1995 or 1996, you are eligible to attend.
It is not too late to earn your diploma in time for the big
Alumni Weekend (small alumni are encouraged to attend,
too). Just send money. We do need your name, of course,
so your diploma looks very distinguished. Details are
over there <------
Some skeptics may wonder about the process of getting a
diploma without having to sit through boring classes or
take exams that are never a true reflection of your
knowledge. We can only ask: which system is the bigger
scam?
It's true that POUPON U does not have a football team.
This is good! POUPON U never has to worry about the
NCAA finding out about recruiting violations or other
infractions. To make life simple, POUPON U has
voluntarily placed itself on permanent probation knowing
that we will violate every rule there is anyway.
To order your really cool Poupon U
stuff,
Fill out the form below, then call us at
1-800-438-6878
(That's 1-800-GET MUST)!
We didn't say you could order this stuff here...
we're just trying to give you a chance to make us
feel important. Actually, you can request a
complete catalog via email
([email protected])
|
I wanna go home! 
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